I'm wondering if I should start this back up? 

when you're tired of loving

If you haven't noticed, I've been kinda stuck on the word love lately. what it means, what it does and how on earth to do it.

I do know one thing: I get tired of loving. Tired of loving the picky client, tired of loving the people who used to love me back and tired of loving with no boundaries. Sometimes love is doing something big and bold like saving someone's life and sometimes it's just sending a text to a girl from church who you know had a rough day.

I do know another thing: I am a wreck. On my own, I'm probably one of the most unloving people you've ever met. I think things I shouldn't and then I say those things without thinking. I can be mean and sometimes I wish I could catch all my harsh words and shove them back into my mouth. But I can't.

The last thing I know: I really, really need Jesus. Some of you people probably think I'm a nice person and all. The secret is, I wouldn't be who I am without the Lord. I have this never ending goal of being to love people recklessly and endlessly. And I have to ask Jesus to help me fulfill that goal every single day.  When I don't . . . well, I fail and things get messy.

All I can do from here is look up and ask for help (fyi I am that kinda person who despises asking for help so that's hard too). Without Jesus's help I get nowhere. But with his help, I have the ability to practice real love. Real love that forgives; real love that puts up with the little annoyances of life; real love that never ends.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." -- C.S. Lewis 

my first love

photos from North Carolina trip in December

oh you 
more satisfying than them all
always with me and for who i am 
you will dwell in my heart forever
forever broken for you and for your people
with you i am free; with you i laugh 
with you i can be just who i am 
i am recklessly in love with all you are
the way you mold stories together
how you placed the mountains as they touch your skies 
all of it leaves me breathless from beauty 
you love earnestly and eternally, with real love
real love that accepts but challenges
real love that forgives and forgets
oh my love, could i just sit here with you 
letting you fill this battered heart 
you are merciful and true 
oh my love, just a taste of you fills me
for in you i can trust 
all the others will come and go 
pieces of my heart shattered, but you go and make it into new 
mend it into something more beautiful 
your love lets me learn to love more 
oh you, my forever love